The Rasher Report #4: A Bunch of Lists
It is not even close to Tuesday, but sometimes you get a cold on the last day of your vacation and don't get to write on the plane like you'd hoped to.
The Batman Bake-Off
I have issues with Batman. On the one hand, the Batman premise reflects a deeply broken morality in which vigilante justice is both an effective response to crime and the smartest way to spend your billions on social reform. (I know he doesn't make as cool of a comic book hero, but if you could be Batman, please be JB Pritzker instead.) On the other hand, I love Batman comics and their screen adaptations, and so does my wife. We fell down a rabbit hole of animated Batman movies for a month or two, and because our idea of romance is hanging out talking about superheroes, this segued into an informal and unscientific crowning of the best version of each Batman character.
Our rules: any film or TV version of a character is eligible. There will be no deference to or invocation of “the comics,” as Batman has been appearing in illustrated print since 1939, in countless iterations by dozens of writers and artists, some of whom made earnest attempts at character consistency and some of whom didn’t bother. Beyond that, if you can defend your choice in the court of Two English Majors and Their Cats, anything goes. This is going to be a recurring feature, much like the Favorite Movies Project, with a couple of characters each week until I've covered all the categories. Ami has given me permission to proofread her responses, but I've left her content and style alone.
Barbara Gordon/Batgirl/Oracle
The Contenders: One of several Batgirls, sometimes before she becomes Oracle, Barbara appears in a lot of different forms. She’s a major figure in the ‘60s Batman, played by Yvonne Craig, and in the DC Animated Universe, voiced by Melissa Gilbert in Batman: The Animated Series and by Tara Strong in most of the movies and Beware the Batman. Stockard Channing and Angie Harmon voice her at various points in the Batman Beyond run. When Alicia Silverstone plays her in Batman & Robin, she’s Barbara Wilson and not related to Commissioner Gordon, but she’s Batgirl so she counts here. Notable one-offs include Rachel Bloom in Batman vs. the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Kellie Martin as a future version of The Oracle in the animated The Batman, Briana Cuoco in Harley Quinn, and Rosario Dawson in the Lego Batman Movie. Barbara gets the spotlight in later seasons of the animated The Batman, where she’s voiced by Danielle Judovits; in Mae Whitman’s voice performances in Batman: The Brave and the Bold and DC Super Hero Girls; and in the WB Birds of Prey series, where she’s played by Dina Meyer.
Sarah: I feel like I’ve missed some important versions, but the chances I’m actually going to watch DC Super Hero Girls are slim to none. Ami will probably sit me down in front of Batman Beyond at some point, and even without that knowledge, part of me wants to hand it to Stockard Channing on the grounds that she’s Stockard Channing. I love Strong’s take on the character in the animated films, and Cuoco does a nice job on Harley Quinn. But I’m giving the award to Dina Meyer in Birds of Prey, where she gets to be wise and brilliant, as well as sexy in a queer way rather than a cheesecake way - and the rare disabled lead character in a TV series.
Ami: Tara Strong. She gets to play Batgirl in the miniseries "Super Best Friends Forever," and that version of Batgirl is basically Pinkie Pie. Who doesn’t love Pinkie Pie? She’s also one of the few versions of Batgirl that exists that doesn’t have something deeply uncomfortable happen to her.
Bane
The Contenders: Henry Silva voices Bane throughout most of the DC Animated Universe, although Hector Elizondo and Carlos Alazraqui play him a few times. He’s a recurring villain on The Brave and the Bold (Michael Dorn), Young Justice (Danny Trejo), Harley Quinn (James Adomian), and the animated The Batman (several actors, most notably Ron Perlman). In live-action film, wrestler Robert “Jeep” Swenson plays a version of the character in Batman & Robin, and Tom Hardy makes him the big bad of The Dark Knight Returns. Bane’s only significant live-action TV appearance is in the final season of Gotham, where he’s played by Shane West.
Sarah: Bane is an annoying character in his best incarnations, and a lot of his animated depictions play into cringe-inducing Latino stereotypes. Tom Hardy avoids that, at least, but his performance is so over-the-top that it’s instant camp. Of the voice actors who have played him, Danny Trejo is the one to overcome the character’s conceptual issues while resolving the race problems, by Trejo-ing it up as much as possible on Young Justice. I like Shane West as an actor, and another season of Gotham might have put him ahead. But as it stands, Trejo is a triumph of casting whose performance is pleasingly self-referential and legitimately menacing.
Ami: I don’t particularly like Bane. He’s kind of a dumb character, a little bit less of a dumb character in the sense that he’s dumb but also kind of fun, but more like they were trying way to hard to make him cool in the 90s. It certainly doesn’t help that he’s supposed to be the mental match for Batman, but usually ends up just roaring like the Hulk and saying "I will break you" over and over. So I’m going to give this one to the silent Bane from Batman Beyond. Bane’s reveal makes for one of the best scenes in that whole series, even though he’s in a non-speaking role. It really is the most sensible place for the character to end up… and definitely the most poignant scene Bane’s ever been a part of. Winners say no to Venom, kids.
Was pop music better in the '90s, or are we just old?
This is not a new question, but we were asking it again on Discord. Everyone on that server is in their late 30s or early 40s, and I'm one of the few who voluntarily listens to current pop. In fact, I enjoy current pop music more than I like most mainstream pop from when I was a kid. Instead of endlessly repeating, "Just because you don't like the triplet flow doesn't mean all 2020s pop is terrible," I put on my evaluator hat. I listened to the top 10 songs from Billboard's Hot 100 from this week (January 28, 2023) and from 30 years ago (January 30, 1993) and rated each one on a scale of 1-5.
January 1993
1o. "7" by Prince and the New Power Generation I love Prince, but maybe not 90s Prince. This is two great lyrical lines and a whole lot of filler. It's genius, but it needs editing. 3/5
9. "Rhythm is a Dancer" by Snap! People still know this song, but do we actually like it? It's annoying, and man, that rhythm line was a 90s fad equivalent to triplet flow. I enjoy this because I danced to it at many Bar Mitzvahs, but it's not a good song. 2/5
8. "Good Enough" by Bobby Brown I hated this when I was in middle school and still hate it now. The whole thing is a bad pickup line with intrusive synth strings. 1/5
7. "Deeper and Deeper" by Madonna, aka "Vogue 2." I love Madonna, so I like this even though it's not great. It would make an entertaining drag number. 3/5
6. "A Whole New World" by Peabo Bryson and Patti LaBelle I have a whole Spotify playlist of Disney music, so I am either the best or worst qualified person to evaluate this song. It has good bones, but the pop radio version is hopeless schmaltz. 2/5
5. "Rump Shaker" by Wreckx N Effect Finally, a song that stands the test of time. The sax riff is everything. One of the great masterpieces of horniness, like if John Wilmot, Earl of Rochester were a rapper. 5/5
4. "Saving Forever for You" by Shanice Oh, the finger snaps and tinkly synth chimes. One of the least essential ballads of the 90s. 2/5
3. "In the Still of the Night" by Boyz II Men The song is a classic, obviously, and they perform it beautifully. It's more of a nostalgic throwback than quintessentially 1993, but listening to it makes me happy. 4/5
2. "If I Ever Fall in Love" by Shai An acapella masterpiece that I loved when I was 13 and still adore now. It's gorgeous and romantic. 5/5
1. "I Will Always Love You" by Whitney Houston This almost doesn't need further discussion. It's Whitney covering Dolly Parton. It's one of the most beloved songs of the 90s, and one of the most decade-defining. 5/5
Mean score for 1993: 3.2 Standard deviation: 1.4
January 2023
1o. "As It Was" by Harry Styles A brilliantly constructed pop song. It's earwormy and anodyne, but it does exactly what it sets out to do. I will enjoy hearing this in the grocery store forever. 4/5
9. "BZRP Music Sessions #53" by Bizarrap and Shakira I love Shakira's voice, but the production on this has smoothed it out so much that it's lost her Shakira-ness. I don't hate it, but I don't need it. 2/5
8. "Rich Flex" by Drake and 21 Savage Surprisingly, the highest charting hip hop track at the moment. Most of the hip hop that I like these days is the kind of offbeat political stuff that doesn't chart high. This is boring mumblecore, and I want it to go away. 1/5
7. "Die for You" by The Weeknd A beautiful R&B midtempo ballad with a stunning bass riff. It's like Stevie Wonder through a blender. The kind of solid songwriting that holds up even when the production falls out of fashion. 5/5
6. "I'm Good (Blue)," by David Guetta and Bebe Rexha Egregious sampling abuse, but I like Rexha's vocals. It's 1 AM gay club music. I exercise to this. 3/5
5. "Unholy" by Sam Smith & Kim Petras The terrible magic that happens when you give trans people an unlimited production budget. It's a hot unholy mess, and I'm obsessed with it. 3/5
4. "Creepin'" by Metro Boomin, The Weeknd, and 21 Savage I hate this song, which is a dead ringer for turn-of-millennium boy band R&B. But this garbage has always been popular because there will always be 13-year-olds, and only a few of those 8th graders are The First Person Ever To Have Discovered Pink Floyd like I was. 1/5
3. "Anti-Hero" by Taylor Swift Nobody is required to like Taylor Swift, but it sure makes life better if you do. The production feels so dialed back and mature compared to the rest of the 2023 list, and these are some of her cleverest, most biting lyrics. 4/5
2. "Kill Bill" by SZA A dull but pleasant midtempo diva ballad that definitely smelled En Vogue once, not to mention Aretha. Full of production quirks that overwhelm it. 2/5
1. "Flower" by Miley Cyrus A bright self-empowerment bop that's just edgy enough to be interesting. My favorite Miley song in a while. I might be tired of this in a month or two, but I'll be playing it on repeat until then. 4/5
Mean score for 2023: 2.9 Standard deviation: 1.3
So 1993 does come out a little ahead, but with its fair share of duds. The standard deviation between the two years is similar and might be the more useful measure here. It shows that there's a similar spread of good and bad, with some great songs and some absolute misery in both groups. I also suspect that time will raise some of my 2023 scores from 4 to 5. I like "Flower" and "Anti-Hero" a whole lot, and if the culture is kind to them, they'll grow into classics like "Rump Shaker" and "I Will Always Love You." But it's too soon to tell, so I scored conservatively. In any case, I think this shows that pop music has always been a mixed bag with a whole lot of Your Mileage May Vary. And that if you don't like it, you can ignore the Hot 100 and listen to the music that does move you.
Some More of My Favorite Movies
In winter of 2020, at the height of pandemic isolation, I made a list of my 124 favorite movies and started watching them in alphabetical order. Here are two more entries from my list.
Watching Chinatown now is like running into your ex at a party and realizing that they're still attractive but will always be a whole bag of dicks. From a filmmaking standpoint, it's excellent, every shot meticulously composed and full of meaning, the violence so visceral it stings. The performances are '70s homages to the golden age of film noir, so they're affected, but with a purpose. But times have changed too much for Jake Gittes to come off as a charming nihilist antihero anymore; now, he's just a jerk who slaps a crying, traumatized woman and gets mad when nobody laughs at his racist jokes. He's right about wanting to fight corruption, but his efforts don't amount to anything - and, contrary to the film's intended message, it's easy to imagine ways he could have made a political impact if he actually cared. The stain of Roman Polanski on this makes me all the more comfortable leaving it behind.
Close Encounters of the Third Kind centers around one of my favorite sci-fi questions: what if the aliens come in peace, and the hardest part is communication? Every facet of the script and direction feed into that problem, especially the long stretches with no dialogue. It trusts viewers to piece together for ourselves what's going on and rewards us for our patience with it. It's a whiter movie than I want it to be, albeit with some nice moments of "I'd like to buy the world a Coke" multiculturalism in establishing the encounters as a worldwide phenomenon. It's also refreshingly anti-cop. The effects are definitely of a seventies vintage, but they're still whiz-bang cool. This is overdue for its pop culture renaissance.
And Another Thing
Songs of the Week are the best of January 1993 and January 2023 (see above).
Ask a Manager for henchpeople.
And a cat photo from our excellent cat sitter, Rachel.
The European Figure Skating Championships and US National Figure Skating Championships are both this week, so expect an extra sportsy edition next Tuesday. See you then!